Tales From The Tryst

Link to my new blog

Sun, 19 Aug 2012 21:23:57 -0400

AGAIN, I will not be using this blog anymore. If I commented or reblogged one of your posts or messaged you, it is as my new (bpd-related) blog Cross the Borderline even though it shows up under this name. If you are looking to refollow me, choose that one.

I can’t wait till Tumblr lets you change primary blogs but it doesn’t seem to be one of their priorities. PLEASE TUMBLR.

IF I HAVE STARTED FOLLOWING YOU OR LIKED YOUR POST RECENTLY, IT’S SUPPOSED TO BE FROM MY BLOG...

Mon, 23 Jul 2012 01:13:00 -0400

IF I HAVE STARTED FOLLOWING YOU OR LIKED YOUR POST RECENTLY, IT’S SUPPOSED TO BE FROM MY BLOG CROSS THE BORDERLINE…

Tumblr won’t let me change default blogs :/

Ridiculous Dating Websites

Tue, 21 Sep 2010 03:50:57 -0400

Zombie Harmony

Amish Online Dating

STD Friends

Facebook Relationship Ettiquette - 50s Style

Tue, 21 Sep 2010 03:50:17 -0400

Facebook Relationship Ettiquette - 50s Style

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Sat, 18 Sep 2010 14:55:19 -0400

Why Dating Two Guys At Once Isn't All It's Cracked Up To Be

Fri, 17 Sep 2010 16:15:32 -0400

Why Dating Two Guys At Once Isn't All It's Cracked Up To Be:

I think the article above also really gets at why I haven’t been that into any of my prospects lately. There are things in it I could have written myself.

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Fri, 17 Sep 2010 16:13:49 -0400

The Pivotal Turning Point

Fri, 17 Sep 2010 16:12:00 -0400

So there’s a couple promising guys in my life. The two most obvious contenders are S, who lives in the suburbs but who I’ve been talking to a lot, and Z, who lives in another city a 1.5 hour train ride away. I say they are the obvious contenders because I’ve shared a make-out session and cuddly sleep-over with each, and I’m so dense that sometimes it takes me until we actually kiss to figure out if a guy likes me or not. There are some other guys on the roster too, and I’m not not still looking.

However, I’m not super excited about any of them really. I mean they have definite potential and I enjoy hanging out with them, but I’m not that emotionally invested (and while I’m thinking this is a good time to date casually, to me that is not the same thing as being devoid of emotional connection). I can tell they really like me. Right now, they like me more than I like them. And this seems to be a pretty common theme. I remember when I first started dating post-X, it kept frustrating me that I wasn’t as into any of these new guys as I had been with X. Then I remembered something. I wasn’t that into X when I first started seeing him either. In the beginning of our relationship, he was more into me. Somewhere along the lines, that changed.

I feel like this is an inevitable turning point in my interactions with guys. They start off liking me more than I like him, and at some point, this shifts to the opposite. (Side note: this is also why I don’t think I can date a guy with no game, because in the beginning, I need them to get the ball rolling until I like them enough to make the considerable effort I will eventually make for them). I think maybe guys are more about newness, and the process of getting to know someone, where what I like most is *knowing* someone well and feeling at home with them. This is when the guy’s commitment issues, etc., begin to surface and his feelings for me dwindle down as I’m getting more serious about my feelings for him.

The problem is, such an imbalance in feelings really sucks. Especially when you’re the party that likes the other person more. So maybe for now I should just relish that I haven’t reached that point yet, while I still can. Because post-turning-point is not too gentle on my sanity.

At the same time, there are parts about that point that I wouldn’t sacrifice — otherwise what’s the point of being with someone? I lose interest if I don’t feel anything for them. Yet, I know if I reached that point with X, even when his psychosis, issues, and all the other stakes were stacked up against me, then I will be able to find those feelings again. And maybe this time, it will be more evenly matched. Instead of swapping feelings, I’ll just meet the guy at his level.

Relationship Expert Reveals Bad Dates May Actually Be...

Fri, 17 Sep 2010 11:10:57 -0400

Relationship Expert Reveals Bad Dates May Actually Be Shape-Shifters

The Onion News Network

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Fri, 17 Sep 2010 04:01:19 -0400

iPhone "Girlfriend Keeper" App

Fri, 17 Sep 2010 00:08:47 -0400

iPhone "Girlfriend Keeper" App:

A ridiculous app that helps you keep in touch with your girlfriend with such romantic gems as:

Diana, Your birthday is in 136 days, maybe I will get you something green like your eyes. -Evan

Diana, You have the prettiest green eyes I could ever imagine, I can’t believe we have been dating for 1 year and 53 days. -Evan

Something maybe this guy could use…?

"The difference between friendship and love is how much you can hurt each other"

Thu, 16 Sep 2010 17:55:39 -0400

“The difference between friendship and love is how much you can hurt each other”

- Ashleigh Brilliant

How Much Space is Too Much Space in a Relationship?

Thu, 16 Sep 2010 12:56:50 -0400

How Much Space is Too Much Space in a Relationship?

Ben Folds ft. Regina Spektor

Thu, 16 Sep 2010 10:23:00 -0400

Ben Folds ft. Regina Spektor

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Thu, 16 Sep 2010 09:55:30 -0400

Why seemingly paradoxical love-distance cliches are not actually mutually exclusive

Thu, 16 Sep 2010 09:55:00 -0400

Absence makes the heart grow fonder.

Out of sight, out of mind.

I have plans for a forthcoming entry about navigating a post-break-up close friendship with an ex, and specifically how if someone made a crappy boyfriend, chances are they’re going to make a crappy friend as well. However, things had been going okay the past week with X, so I didn’t feel like harping on the negative at the moment. Of course, when it comes to the roller coaster that is our friendship, what comes up must inevitably come down. After hanging out with him the other night, things were beginning to annoy and frustrate me again, and he was starting to act colder. I think I’ve finally cracked the cycle though and figured out the key in avoiding another go-around.

First, a bit of backstory, though not nearly enough required to fully understand the situation. After X and I broke up, we decided to stay friends and actually ended up becoming closer than we had been, though we were regularly prone to drama, fights, and discussions about our friendship. Eventually it got to the point last month where we needed to take a friends break for about two weeks (after spending at least half of every week around each other). I was unsure about the break idea. I wasn’t sure I even wanted to be friends with him anymore.

It ended up being the best thing ever. I remember when I saw him for the first time after the break. I don’t know if was the time I’d had to myself or how mean he was to me before the time apart, but any residual or nostalgic confusing feelings I once had for him were gone. I was even noticeably less attracted to him. It was a marvelous feeling to look at him and think, “Why did I want that back?” In fact, it even felt like he had missed me more than I’d missed him. Maybe we could actually make this friends thing work.

It was something I’d noticed when we were dating too. We would go through periods of spending every single day together and eventually tension would escalate and he/we’d back off for a bit. The time apart always seemed to make him more affectionate and caring, while it allowed me to stop obsessing or caring about his feelings. For me, the more I do something or see someone, the more I want to…and the less I see someone, the more I forget why I even wanted to see them in the first place.

So as we reunited as friends and spent a fair amount of time together, I felt like I was in a great place in terms my perception of and interactions with him. But as we spent more time together, those feelings I’d been happy to lose began to rise up again. He would talk about this girl across the country he was in love with. He would start to send grumpy responses to texts and act more distant when we were hanging out. Of course, as he pulls away, it does this annoying psychological thing on me where I simultaneously want to tear him a new one while desperately craving his approval and wanting to pull him back in.

And I think it was because we were starting to spend too much time together.

I enjoyed having a friend I would see most of the week and rely on, etc., but I’m starting to realize that the occasional respite from each other has a wonderful effect on both of us. For him, absence makes the heart grow fonder. If he sees me too much, I think he starts to take me for granted and doesn’t appreciate the awesomeness that is my friendship. When I can successfully avoid interacting with him for some time (which does still require a bit of will power), he’s much more enjoyable to be around later. For me, it’s out of sight, out of mind. We stop interacting, and I stop thinking about him or even really caring about our friendship, which in this case is a good thing. And in a way, that actually also makes me fonder of him, since it eases his annoying qualities and makes him treat me better, which makes me reciprocate.

Of course, it’s a hard cycle to break. Because once things get good again, it makes me want to spend more time with him, which only makes things go sour again. It may be difficult, but I now know that I must pre-empt that and control myself in order to save our friendship and, much more importantly, my sanity.

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Tue, 14 Sep 2010 19:08:58 -0400

"Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option."

Tue, 14 Sep 2010 16:15:57 -0400

“Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option.”

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Tue, 14 Sep 2010 09:31:42 -0400

Instant Message Conversation submitted as evidence of X's ridiculousness

Tue, 14 Sep 2010 01:29:00 -0400

X: I just am going to [name of store] on [name of street] tonight
X: Just wondered if you wanted to come with
Me: what time are you going?
X: probably around 7:30
X: i'm just running there and back
X: so there is no real reason for you to come.
Me: hahah
Me: then why did you invite me?
X: I didn't
Me: then why did you ask what I was doing?
X: I was thinking about inviting you
X: but I decided not to
Me: good story